Support ahead of Mother’s Day: You are not alone

We know that for many affected by miscarriage, ectopic and molar pregnancy, days like Mother’s Day can be triggering. For some, it can act as a reminder of what could have been, and what they have lost.

In this blog, we talk through some suggestions that might help you get through difficult days, how you can support a loved one affected by pregnancy loss, and the support we can provide.

Advice from our community

It can be a day that feels really lonely, but you are far from it. Below, our community has provided some suggestions as to how you can get through the difficult days:

“Be honest with your feelings and know that they are valid”

“Take time to yourself and look after yourself, spend time with loved ones too!”

“Take some time off work, so you’re not around triggering conversations at work.”

“Know you are not alone. If you can open up, you might be surprised by the strength and pain you share.”

“It’s okay to feel okay one minute but then a complete wreck the next – that’s normal.”

“I booked some time off so I’m not around triggering conversations at work.”

“Don’t put pressure on yourself, it’s okay to not be okay, take some time to do something for you.”

“I’m going to keep busy and do something nice for myself.”

Psychotherapist Julia Bueno also added, “There are no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ ways to process your loss, and letting yourself feel, with curiosity and compassion is key – just as you would support a friend in a similar situation.” You can read more of her advice around looking after your mental health after pregnancy loss here.

Supporting someone you know on Mother’s Day

It can be difficult to know how to be there for someone you know after their pregnancy loss. Days like Mother’s Day can be incredibly difficult for those who have experienced loss, and this can exacerbate worries about upsetting someone by asking if they’re okay.

We have some guidance about how you can support a loved one on our website, but our community have also contributed some of the things others did that helped them.

“For me, just knowing they were there and then just saying they were sorry for our loss. They didn’t need to say anything else. I found that some things they said were not helpful but understood they were looking for ways to comfort me. For example, “you can always try again,” or “at least you know you can get pregnant.” I knew they were trying to help me but all the words I needed were “I’m sorry, I’m here for you.”

“A friend wishing me a happy Mother’s Day. Often times I feel left out because I don’t have any living children – and my mother giving me a gift on Mother’s Day. Also, my friend just supporting me by getting me food and doing chores around the house when I was miscarrying was a huge support.”

“Letting you talk, encouraging you to tell your closest friends and acknowledging tough situations.”

“For me, on those difficult days, those who just accepted that I wanted to stay in or keep my head down. Didn’t force me to do anything, the ones who acknowledged my grief and let me deal with it in my own way, but also letting me know they were there if I needed them.”

“My church gives a flower to ‘every mother’s daughter’ on Mother’s Day – I find that phrase really comforting to focus on. I don’t feel less valued because I don’t (yet!) have children.”

You can also find more suggestions here.

Simple gestures

We often hear from people who want to offer support and love with a small token for someone they know.

If you’d like a small gift for someone you know, or yourself, in memory of the tiny lives lost too soon, our online shop stocks memory bracelets, keyrings and ornaments.

We also have a pregnancy loss card, which says ‘There’s no good card for this, I’m so sorry for the loss of your baby.’

All proceeds from the items in our shop go to the Miscarriage Association. By purchasing any of the above, you are helping us continue to be there for anyone going through the heartbreak of pregnancy loss.

We are here for you

If you’re struggling after pregnancy loss, and would like some support or further information, our support team are here for you.

You can get in touch with us by calling 01924 200799, emailing info@miscarriageassociation.org.uk or by starting a live chat via our website.

Our helpline and support services listed above won’t be open on Mother’s Day itself, but you can find support via our Instagram posts, private Facebook groups, and our blog.