How can I support someone I know after their pregnancy loss?

When someone you care about goes through a miscarriage, ectopic or molar pregnancy, it can be difficult to know how to support them, especially if you haven’t been through it yourself. You may feel worried about saying or doing the wrong thing or be hesitant to bring it up in case it upsets them.

We asked our community what support from those around them they found most helpful after their loss. We’ve listed just some of the responses below, and hope that they may be helpful.

“For me, on those difficult days, those who just accepted that I wanted to stay in or keep my head down. Didn’t force me to do anything, the ones who acknowledged my grief and let me deal with it in my own way, but also letting me know they were there if I needed them.”

“When people are brave enough to ask me about it and allow me to talk about my experience, this has been the most helpful support yet.”

“Not forgetting to check in on you a few months/years after the losses. Baby loss never leaves you and it helped to make me feel less alone knowing they weren’t forgotten.”

“For me, just knowing they were there and then just saying they were sorry for our loss. They didn’t need to say anything else. I found that some things they said were not helpful but understood they were looking for ways to comfort me. For example, “you can always try again,” or “at least you know you can get pregnant.” I knew they were trying to help me but all the words I needed were “I’m sorry, I’m here for you.”

“Offering to look after my toddler to give me and my partner time to heal.”

“A friend wishing me a happy Mother’s Day. Often times I feel left out because I don’t have any living children – and my mother giving me a gift on Mother’s Day. Also, my friend just supporting me by getting me food and doing chores around the house when I was miscarrying was a huge support.”

“Letting you talk, encouraging you to tell your closest friends and acknowledging tough situations.”

We hope that this feedback gives you some idea of what those around you may find helpful and comforting.

For more information, you can read our supporting someone you know leaflet, page, or take a look through some of the personal stories on our website, to read what support was helpful from those that have been through pregnancy loss themselves.