How can I look after my mental health after pregnancy loss?

We understand that experiencing a miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy or molar pregnancy can bring up a whole range of feelings, like shock, sadness and grief, which can sometimes feel really overwhelming. Pregnancy loss can also affect people’s mental health. These are understandable reactions to loss but we know they can be difficult to cope with.

Last month, we asked our community what advice they would give to someone who was struggling with their mental health after pregnancy loss. We’ve listed just some of the responses below, and hope that they may be helpful.

“For me, marking the loss at or near the time, or even years later helped me. We’ve put flowers in the Thames, planted a David Austen rose for each loss in our garden, and I have two pieces of jewellery that I wear every day that symbolise three miscarriages and another five embryos that didn’t make it that far. Our babies are always close to us and never forgotten.”

“Spend time outside, meet your basic needs as best you can; eat even if you’re not hungry, drink water even if you’re not thirsty, wash, try and rest. Don’t feel you have to deal with it on your own, reach out. Take time off work if you can and focus on yourself. Don’t pressure yourself to feel ‘normal’. Grief is normal and there’s no expiration date for it.”

“Talk to someone you trust and keep talking to them, but don’t feel that you have to tell everyone about what’s happened. Tell who you want, when you are ready to tell them.”

“I found that talking to a counsellor and CBT helped me the most. I was very alone in my grief, as no one I knew had experienced a miscarriage, or knew how to respond to me.”

“Take the time you need, don’t rush back to work too soon, and do whatever feels right for you. Don’t feel guilty for having good days and allow yourself to have the bad days.”

“Sleep, rest and lots of self-care. Speak to someone who is ready to just listen and that won’t jump in with solutions. Access maternity hospital miscarriage support if offered and do what you are comfortable with and not what you feel others think you should do. Put yourself first.”

“Find your local Miscarriage Association support group. Don’t suppress your emotions. It takes as long as it takes to begin to heal.”

You can find more of the responses we were sent here.

If you’re struggling after miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy or molar pregnancy, we are here to help you through. We have a selection of support services, a mental health page and leaflet, and information around feelings after pregnancy loss that you may find useful.